Safe With Me!

Fostering and modeling safety with children, as adults. W e cannot always control what transpires on the outside, but learning to establish safe internal self-controls that govern our reactions to external stimuli is our responsibility.

The Concept of Internal Safety

In thinking about this idea of “safe with me”, I recently learned that the term “internal safety” has significance in another realm, that being, weapons.

Typically, guns are used to establish safety of person and property. Measures that address internal safety of these weapons involve ensuring that the locking mechanism works automatically so that if dropped or if there is external pressure or force, the gun will not fire.

In addition, the internal locking mechanisms that ensure a safe weapon are not visible or accessible to the user or others.

The full functioning of these “automatic safeguards” requires the user or owner of the weapon to keep the gun in “good condition”. Permit me to carry this analogy over to the human experience.

Human Intrapsychic Structures and Response

In our lives we experience events that threaten biological health, exert external pressures, encounter situations that overwhelm our internal and external psychological resources, as well as unfavorable or undesired social and cultural engagements.

Our automatic response to these experiences rely heavily on our intrapsychic structures, structures that we hope are in good condition or that are well maintained so that they provide automatic safety.

How do we develop automatic internal safety mechanisms that do not misfire, or fail to fire when needed? We as parents, caregivers, childcare providers foster these skills in childhood and model these behaviors throughout the lifespan.

Nurturing and Stable Environments

Creating environments in which children can thrive involves intentionally facilitating a physically safe, warm, loving, sensory rich environment where the sense of being protected, and the emotional and spiritual needs of children are recognized, honored, and met by their primary caregivers and their community.

Children absorb and imitate what they experience in their environment and nonverbals speak louder than words. Their exterior environment molds their interior environment.

Just as the hands of the manufacturer carefully selects each component of a gun and painstakingly puts them in place, just so, parents and primary caregivers of children must be very sensitive and careful of the environment and who is allowed in it for their children.

Creative Learning Opportunities – Books, Music, Movies, Art, Nature, etc.

A nurturing environment is one that gives children the security and opportunity to discover themselves and their world. Significant research evidence supports the importance of creative environments, and the factors that support the healthy development in children and young people.

The factors that contribute to creativity include: flexible use of space and time; availability of appropriate materials; working outside the classroom/school; ‘playful’ or ‘games-based’ approaches with a degree of learner autonomy; respectful relationships between teachers and learners; opportunities for peer collaboration; awareness of learners’ needs; and non-prescriptive planning.

Accepting Socio-Cultural Encounters

For some, the world outside of the home at times can present as lively and expansive, rich and full of opportunity, while for others, it is unfriendly – even hostile – towards individual expression and diverse identities. Intolerances, ‘fit-in messages’ that can impede openness and acceptance can be challenging.

However, if the nurturing, safe environment and adults have accomplished their mission, the individual can thrive and even find the internal resources to engage and overcome these threats to the self. This is especially true for structured educational environments, where a child will spend a third of their day for much of their childhood.

Structured Education

Formal education gives children training and learning in a systematic, contextual environment vis a vis a curriculum, lesson plans, and homework. In the formal education setting, the distractions to learning are more controlled, delivering structured and timely content that meets the needs of the learner.

Through structured education, each developing student may acquire well-rounded and grounded knowledge aimed at equipping them for adult experiences.

The safety and responsible handling of the classroom is key to self-esteem, self-acceptance and self-worth assets that individuals need to graduate with a sense of competence and worth.

Being Safe With Me

Just as the components of a weapon are crafted from high quality alloys and fitted together by craftsmen with intentionality and commitment to quality and expert hands, so too are the components of the human experience selected and handled with attention to details, commitment, and through the careful nurturing and attentive skills of parents and other primary caregivers.

Each person, from childhood to young adulthood, requires care and guidance. The four external components described above ensure that our internal safety ‘locking’ mechanisms activate when we sense a threat or pressure and, if maintained, will lead to a person’s ongoing wellbeing throughout their lifespan.

These are the factors required to be ‘safe with me’.